A perfect sunny day in Osaka, early May

I'm at home, the second day of Golden Week.
Enjoying the not working thing very much, taking time out and trying to rest and, that's all really.
I had wanted to go away, quite desperately, to get away from and at the same time get my head around the crazy events of late. Sadly, plans fell through.

Funny, the last blog attempt (other than uploading photos) ran for 6 months up until I left for Japan. Now here I sit ready to get back to writing, meaning to all this time (but only barely managing to keep up with correspondence, nevermind a blog), and only now beginning when I am a 3 or 4 months away from the possibility of leaving Japan...

So, as I was saying, I'm here at home on a perfect day. For a change I'm happy to be sitting here with nothing pressing to do or nowhere I need to be. Trying to make the most of the time since I'm not going away this weekend. But I feel I should go out, despite my lack of energy for crowds and fear of being a wet blanket. A good friend I've met and traveled with here in this mad country has been asking me to join her in neighbouring Takatsuki for a Jazz Festival. I may just go, likely in the evening after a nap and when the sun is retiring. I'll be going with other people tomorrow, so an evening to stroll through might be nice. The air and exercise will be good, as well as the company, the interesting people, and the festival atmosphere too I suppose.

I have yet to process my decision to leave. I had been puzzling through and wrestling with it for months. It happened about a week ahead of schedule, mid-May being the point of no return. A text message from the Prefectural Advisor at the Board of Ed nudged me onward. So I dropped the bomb Thursday, just ahead of leaving for the Golden Week holiday. I feel lame for doing that, but at least this way I can secure the fact that I'll have a replacement and it will go smoothly for them too.

(That's a whole 'nother thing to tackle later, that someone out there is about to learn that they are coming to Japan to fill my shoes in Osaka - the most coveted of all placements - just as I did a year ago...)

So far I haven't regretted my decision, and since last night I have actually been looking forward to getting home. Make no mistake though, I will miss Japan for the rest of my life and it pains me to think of leaving. Especially now that the weight, the pressure is off. Like a friend said the other night, over a supportive kaiten sushi dinner at the (disappointing) Dragon sushi bar in the Shinsaibashi shotengai: Now I'm free to have this time to do the things I haven't done yet, like taking a 3 month working-holiday kind of thing. She also gave me the perfect analogy after I had described making the decision to leave official. My head's been so noisy, day and night for months, like the tap running at full pressure to fill the bath. Now it's suddenly quiet and steady, like pulling the cork and letting the water slowly drain away... My mind has been quiet, my thoughts don't have the same weight they did. It's nice.

I still have to tell people about my decision. My family, my friends back home, even my friends and acquaintances here. I guess I am trying to come to terms with it before I can field all the reactions and questions from those around me here and across the globe. Not sure what I can say, hard to describe to anyone who's not here with me, going through the same sort of thing. Well I can only hope they trust me and support me.

Well in the mean time, a nap, some sorting of things to send home ahead of me, and getting ready to go out to hear some music and eat some tentacles with plum spirits.